Monday, December 04, 2006
i just need a fucking break.
i have no idea why i am blogging when i have 80% left of molecular biology to complete. but yes, as my title suggests, i just need to get away.
am so frazzled these days, as if there's nothing that won't piss me off. i dunno if im suffering from late on-set of my period, or just plain nerves that have been nicely maintained for a few years. the last time i remember being so frazzled was during TMT.
the only thing that is keeping me sane is wednesday. the end of exams. the start of my holidaYS. and mainly, the Kuala Lumpur trip with my darlings.
suprisingly, it is not the exams that are making me so edgy. sigh. but i have to admit, the exams are contributing to it. i just want it over. i mean, who doesn't? but i just NEED it to be over so i can focus and stop getting so pissed and irritated at every little thing.
time management. something i am seriously lacking this semester. another thing i am lacking now, the ability to multi-task. i've always prided myself for being able to handle many tasks at once. seems like i had just put my own foot into my mouth. multi-tasking has lost all its appeal for me. i just want to do one thing at a time, and do it right.
i don't like being who i am now.
i don't like snapping at people who are probably doing the best they can.
i don't like realising that.
i don't like being pissed because things are not going the way i like.
i don't like knowing that it's because i don't have time to do it the way i like.
i don't like having to put everything on hold.
i don't like having to explain why i am not doing this or that.
i don't like having to explain why i am doing this or that.
i don't like being rushed.
i don't like having tearful breakdowns.
i don't like having silent wars with my family members.
i don't like being pessimistic.
i don't like venting my anger on my poor unsuspecting friends.
i don't like hating the thought of my party.
i don't like this at all.
the KL trip is a welcome distraction. it is probably the only thing i am looking forward to now. a holiday with my friends, no parents, no "older" people, no reporting. just plain partying, clubbing, shopping, eating, travelling and more for 5 whole days.
i'm sorry miruna, jo and rae, if i ever snapped at you'll while planning for the trip. hope u guys understand. i am just so sick of people telling me what to do, that i took it out on you guys. love u all and looking forward to wed nite! hopefully the train doesn't stink and the bedsheets are clean. harhar.
well i guess that's it. alot of feelings still vent up inside. hopefully it'd all be better after the exams, when i have more time to plan everything out and carry out what i have been postponing these few weeks.
i never knew planning for a party can be this draning. i never knew it could be more draning as the number of people helping increases. all have their specific idea of what should be done. all have their specific idea of what i should do. all have a specific idea of what they want to do. a case of too many cooks spoiling the broth?
i am probably the only girl i know who's party planning is such a great deal. God, my life is do drama. sign me up for "super sweet sixteen"
whatever it is, i will preservere. although i have lost all interest in my party, maybe it can be regained. for now, the thought of relaxation and rejuvenation at KL is all that is stringing me along...
till later.......
Comments:
Post a Comment
