Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Expectations
these past 2 months of so have led me to do lots of thinking. as in not thinking about why bus drivers and motorcyclists don't have to wear seat belts *ya why!* and why on earth every Indian seems to know each other. but more serious thinking.
expectations.
all these expectations led to me getting severely dissapointed and upset over the duration of the past 2 months or so. expect this, expect that, expected behaviour, expected words, expected presence, expected act. and when there's a no-show, i get all upset. i think "is it too much to just expect this little? when i've been doing so much without being expected of"
you see, that's my problem. i do things for people without being expected. i make an effort. i call to ask how you're doing, even if im not expected to do it. i msg ppl to tell em i miss them, although its not expected. i ask if anything's e matter, not because they expect me to, but because i feel there's something amiss. i do things for ppl without being asked, because i feel like it.
so? that doesn't give me the right to expect the same behaviour back. just because i'm there for them anytime, doesn't mean i should expect them to be there for me. just because i cry with them and comfort them when they're down, doesn't mean i should expect the same. just because i go the extra mile to ensure that my friends are well-taken care of, doesn't mean that i should expect that back.
expectations.
the root of many problems don't u think? u get pissed with e dear friend because she wasn't there when u needed her. why? cuz u expect her to. u get pissed with yr bf because he won't hear u out when u're whining about buying the wrong sized sweater. why? because u expect him to listen to yr every whine and cry. u get pissed with your family for not knowing you inside out. why? because they're expected to.
so i've decided. i'm going to try not to have expectations. im going to NOT EXPECT. not expect anything. that way, i won't get dissapointed. i won't get pissed. and most importantly, i won't get hurt.
i have had enough of wondering what i did wrong, why am i not getting any reciprocations, why is this happening, what did i do, what did i not do! when it is clear, i did nothing wrong. in fact, maybe i did too much. so nothing seems to be enough for me. so i am not expecting.
this is especially since my bday is coming soon *8 days people* i am not going to expect any presents, i am not going to expect any suprises. i am not going to expect any thing. ***this does NOT mean those who have bought me presents have to throw them away***
no more expecting people to offer their help for birthday planning, no more expecting friends to talk to you abt their problems, no more expecting trust from friends u thought were the closest, no more expecting people to know you well, no more expecting PEOPLE TO BE THERE FOR YOU, no more expecting your friends to notice when you are feeling down, no more expecting them to realise its because of them that you're down, no more expecting things to go my way.
if they want to, they will come forward. if they don't, well i wasn't expecting it anyways.
from now on, i will only expect from myself. not to worry, i will still be the same kala to all my friends, going out of my way etc etc. i just won't expect it back. :)
on another note, the party is nearing a nearing. the list seems to be growing. aaaahhhhhhhhh.
all of yoos who have gotten your invites, pls remember to sms or call me to confirm if u guys are coming or u might just not have a seat to sit yr nice butts on. those who i have spoken to about the party but u haven gotten your invite, pls leave a tag or sms me yar. i still have some ppl's invites with me. those who i haven spoken a sheit about the party and seems like i'm not gonna invite, pls dun get pissed. i didn't mean to leave you out *ok some, i did*..not to worry, there's still many other things to get invited for. :) for those who are thick-skineed to still wanna get invited altho i didn't, leave a tag, bug me, eventually i'll invite ya. harhar.
any hoooo, this is an informal invitation to all you ppl out there, do come by to my party! its on the 31st of dec, at civil service club, ballroom, at 6 45 pm till late. there'll be a countdown as well, so you're welcome to crash my party if u wanna. dress code's retro pls DO NOT FORGET. oh yar, lemme know if u are coming, or yr ass will be seatless as im allocating seats.
:)
byeeeeeee
-the expectationless kala-
< p.s all examples stated in this entry are just fictional. i am not pissed with vik because he didn't listen to me whine about a sweater. firstly, i dun whine. secondly, i don't buy sweaters if they're wrong sized. :P
p.p.s i did not update cuz ofyourtag ah, i had alreadi decided to on my bus ride home. :D
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