Wednesday, November 08, 2006
ahhhhhhh where did the time go to?? do i really only have 3 weeks left to learn what ive been learning for the past 3 mths?NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
sigh. im just frustrated. maybe i really do have too much on my plate. how do they expect me to do everything at once? im only human! i cant do it all and STILL find time to study. i cant keep sacrificing my evenings for meetings/tasting-sessions/discussions. i need to study! rgh!
yes i know, its for ME. the fuss is all for ME. and prob its ME who's making it a bigger fuss. but as the date looms nearer and nearer i'm beginnin to bother less. i mean why? why bother when most of my closest friends cant make it. why bother when even those who are comin cant seem to be bothered. why bother when although THEY SAY im doing it the way i want to, they're not really letting me.
i went into it, thinking i can create my very own ideas, my thoughts. but now, what's e use of being involved in everything when my ideas are shot down one by one. then why do i still fucking bother?
they're just gonna make it into their thing anyway, then the least i can do is back out. back out and at least i can be suprised on what is suppoesd to be a once-in-a-lifetime affair. but sth is still holding me back. sth nagging. sth saying "its gonna be screwed-up if u leave it to them to do".
so do i let them do it, with the 50% chance i'll be suprised pleasantly and 50% chance it will be screwed-up?
or do i go into it, head-on, have no element of suprise, no element of excitement, but at least i'll be assured it'd turn out ok?
ARGH. GOT.TO.STUDY.
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